How Could I?

This post is a reply I posted on a friend's blog. I have linked to it so you may see her post and why I wrote what I did.

When Heather and I decided to follow our calling and go to China, we heard all kinds of comments. Most were encouraging, but many were not. Even my own grandmother, who reads the Bible every day, asked why I would "do something so stupid" as to take my children to a foreign country. Here is my answer:

First of all, don't you know the Gospel? Did you conveniently forget that part that says "go into all the world?" Did you add the words "if you are called"? to the end of that passage? Guess what? That passage is directed at you! How can you take all of Jesus' other commandments literally but assign this passage to only those special few who have been called to missions?

There is nothing as satisfying as being in the manifest presence of the Father. If you have never experienced the tangible love of God, when it's so thick in the room that you can hardy stand, then you haven't experienced Him! And, trust me, it's not because He is withholding from you.... When you have been in His presence, obedience is not a demand on your life, it is the deepest desire of your heart! That love makes you trust Him with a reckless abandon-at least it feels like reckless abandon. But, Father has plans to prosper us, not harm us. That's not to say that his will is safe. It's not! He's not a God of status quo. He's the God of extraordinary! And He has called us to do extraordinary things!

Imagine how Peter felt when he laid hands on the man at the gate called "Beautiful". This man had been there for 40 years and had been passed many times by Jesus himself! Yet, it was Peter who was used by the Spirit to heal the man. Now, that's amazing!

I also remind people that in the tongue is the power of life and death! I didn't make this up. It's in the Bible! Proverbs 18:21 to be exact. It's not just "if you can't say anything nice"...Your words can actually create or destroy life! Didn't God speak the world into existence? Didn't He establish the ministry of Jesus with words? Isn't Jesus, in fact, the Word of God? Think about that. Why would you speak death over what God has ordained? Words matter. Stop tearing down the Father's will that none should perish!

This is all about relationship. You may think you have a relationship with Jesus, but if you can't feel His heartbeat for the nations, you don't know Jesus! You know about Jesus. Even the demons acknowledge who He is, but they don't walk in His will.

Father, I pray that You get the glory, that You get the fame. I pray that we realize that we were created for Your good purpose, not ours. I pray that hearts are opened to your love and how that moves us to live in open abandon of our own well being and safety. I thank you that Jesus didn't put His safety above our need for his blood!

Now That We're Back...

We have returned from our wild adventure to the far east. Jet lag to and from China is a bear. I've been home for 3 days now and I have yet to sleep more than 4 hours. I'm hoping it gets better tonight because I'm functioning less efficiently than I should.

It's strange to be back. I feel like I'm between worlds. Part of me is here and part of me is there. I'm still processing everything from the trip. This is going to be a long process. As our time in China unfolded, we realized that God was only revealing the next step as it became necessary. Nothing has changed. He is still doing that. The next step for us is to get out of debt. We have found that it is very difficult to go into missions when you have financial obligations at home. However, we still have very few answers as to what and when in regard to our ministry and yet, we don't feel like one second of this trip was wasted. Some purpose was served-we just can't see it.

I want to say that we have met some of the most incredible people during the last month-people who have a heart for God. They took us in and made us family immediately. They are generous and loving and we hope to see them again. Whether that's in China, the U.S., or heaven, we don't know, but we will never forget them!

I don't think you can imagine how big of a step it is for a family to go abroad and live. Missions requires a very special kind of faith-faith in God, faith in your supporting churches, faith in yourself. Please pray for those that give up so much to advance the kingdom. It isn't enough to put a few bucks in the plate when you hear a presentation on missions. It really takes serious prayer covering also. Please lift these courageous people up. Also, please pray for China. What a wonderful place and how much God loves the people there! The Gospel is spreading like wildfire throughout the country. Praise God! Please pray for us as we take the next step. And wait to discover the step after that.

What I've Learned To This Point

I've learned some things about myself this week. If you don't believe in spiritual warfare, STOP! You don't want to read the rest of this. If you do believe in it, but don't want to hear about my own battle, STOP! This is all about spiritual battles.

I am a weak and sad christian. I took the armor of God for granted and learned that I have a bunch of chinks and holes in mine. I came over here thinking that I would just open my mouth and the life of God would just spill out. That would be great except I haven't even been able to feel His presence here. At home, I just hear a song or go to church or read a book and the Father's speaking to me. But here-nothing. I started to freak out a little. Ok. A LOT. Did God not come with us? Had He sent us over here alone? How can I be expected to have vision for His people when I can't even have vision for my own life? I think it's really stupid to even consider making the move here if I can't hear what the Lord has to say about it. I found myself in the middle of a battle I never could have even imagined.

I have suffered from depression for most of my life (another story for another time), but haven't had to deal with it for over 3 years. It crept up on me this week and smacked me upside my tired, sick head. I just realized it yesterday-while I was getting over a terrible case of food poisoning. As if that wasn't enough, I have had an impossible time getting over jet lag. Given my lack of sleep schedule for the last 15 years (I work on call), you would think that jet lag would be a non-issue. Another misconception. This country is full of these little misconceptions. Needless to say, I haven't been able to get a handle on life this week.

I say all of this to illustrate how the enemy has just lambasted me this week. I thought I was prepared for this place, but the principalities of darkness were laying in wait-ready for me. He exploited every weak and exposed part of my very limited armor. Before we came, our family at home prayed for us and a dear friend made the statement that we should expect to encounter spirits that we had never seen or dealt with before. That was a good word. I should have remembered it. I certainly do now.

I've always told people that I am not a daily Bible reader. "That's just not me" I would say. That was incredibly stupid! Here, I have to plug myself in every chance I get. As I type, I am listening to Jake Hamilton and I appreciate the fact that my spirit is rising up in praise and worship to the Father. I'm learning. I've spent some time on my knees, my face, my feet, weeping and dancing before my Daddy. He has fought and won the battle against the spirits of this world, but I CANNOT walk in that victory until I learn to exist every moment in His presence.

I'm learning to walk with a heart that expects to experience the violent invasion of heaven into the earth. I'm learning that when you've spent time in the presence of our Glorious Father, you are never the same. You cannot be the same. There's a violence in my heart to see His Kingdom invade our reality. I've been marked by Him for a purpose-an eternal purpose. So have you. It doesn't matter if you know it or believe it. It's the reality of your existence and mine. We were created to advance His purpose and our reward is to sit at His feet in eternal worship.

Father, You are good! Thank you for making me for Your glory. Invade my space and rip my reality apart. Tear down the walls and let your glory walk in. Change our perception from this temporal existence to an eternal reality!

Rabbit Legs and Donkey Dumplings

What an incredible few days it has been. We got off the plane and we were immersed in strangeness. Trust me. If you have never been here, you've never seen anything like it. Neither have I. This city is a teir 2 city, meaning it is like a mid-sized city in the US. Think Oklahoma City, Kansas City, you get the picture. However, here, a mid-sized city has 5-10 million people. This city has 6 million. High-rise apartment buildings are going up everywhere. They can't build them fast enough. The population boom can be attributed to foreign companies setting up shop here. Many expatriates (non Chinese citizens) are coming in. Commerce is exploding and so is the city.

Yesterday, we had our first chance to meet with our entire new family here. I got to speak and it was just amazing. I can't begin to tell you how nervous I was. My voice shook and cracked. My heart was racing and my hands were cold and sweaty. It was almost like when I asked my wife to marry me. Yep. I was that nervous! How kind and gracious they were. Every week, there are more people than the week before. Last week, there were 35 people or so. Yesterday, we had 67!! I wasn't expecting such a large crowd. That might have had something to do with the nerves. After our fellowship, we went to a beautiful park and had a picnic and Easter egg hunt. It was cold and rainy, but a wonderful time.

Last night, we were treated to a dinner on the town and we got to experience a few of the local favorites: rabbit legs and donkey dumplings. They are exactly what they sound like. The dumplings are like the dumplings you get at a Chinese restaurant except these are stuffed with donkey meat. Let me tell you-they are delicious! You cannot even imagine.

Today, we took a road trip to the mountains about 3 hours north of the city in hopes of hiking. But, it was raining and cold by the time we got there. We had to turn around. The mountains are incredible. We couldn't see them very well because it was so foggy and hazy, but they are majestic. The thing about China is, unlike what we are used to, you can't just call ahead and find out weather and other information at the places you plan to visit. It's hit and miss. You might get there and the park is closed for maintenance or something. It's totally different than what we are used to.

I mentioned that it was hazy. That's because today is Tomb Sweeping Day. It's sort of like our Memorial Day. The Chinese burn "money" as a way to send their dead relatives money in the afterlife. Now imagine millions of people burning stacks of paper and then shooting off fireworks and you can see where today's smoggy conditions come from.

I'm going to try to post some pictures with my next entry. We haven't downloaded any onto the computer yet. Thank you all for your prayers and please continue to lift us up as we have some huge decisions to make in the next few days.

Overwhelmed

We have arrived in China. I have been all over the world, but I was not prepared for China. There are many reasons for this. One of them is the food. They don't waste one piece of an animal. The smells are strange and wonderful. The people are so kind. And, I am so lost. This place is so big. I am so small. Culture shock has set in. Heather is loving it because it brings back so many good memories of her childhood in the Philippines.

We have also been overwhelmed by the love and support from our family over here. We arrived to a full pantry of "American" snacks delivered by our many new friends here. Let me tell you, those snacks are a luxury over here. They are expensive. And we are so grateful that they honored us in this way. It's amazing to us that these 20 or so people have been praying for us for months. We just don't have words to describe the way they have honored us over and over again.

This is Easter Sunday-our first meeting with our new friends. I pray that the Spirit speaks through me this morning. I have preached before, but to be honest, it was 18 years ago and I simply used bits and pieces of other sermons I had heard. This is different. I pray for a fresh word from the spirit-one that is relevant to us here, in this place and time.

I must also mention that Heather and I feel the prayers of our family in Amarillo. We are deeply thankful that so many people love us and care so much for us. We are still processing everything and there are still so many things that we do not know. If not for these prayers and our Father responding in kind, we would be lost here.
But, this journey is not about me. It is about our risen Lord, a Father who cried tears over our condition and sent a huge piece of himself to be killed so that we could be redeemed. We are redeemed-repurchased after we sold ourselves to the enemy. We have hope. We have life. Let's celebrate. He is not dead. NO! HE IS ALIVE!!

Apprehension

Yes. This is another introspective piece. We are 8 days away from our departure to Asian adventure, and, suddenly, I am apprehensive. I'm not sure why. I don't know that it's the actual trip so much as the unknown. Everyone keeps asking these questions:
1. What will I do there? I don't know.
2. How will I support my family? I don't know.
3. What about the house we just bought? I don't know.
4. Am I crazy? Probably.
5. Am I scared? Just a bit.
6. Are we really thinking about moving our kids to a very foreign country? Yes.

The answer to the first three questions is the same: I don't know. And there lies the stumbling block, I think. It's so against my nature to not have a game plan. As impulsive as I usually am with the small stuff, I have had a "plan" for the past 15 years. I was going to work at my job, pay into retirement and 401k, keep plugging away day after day, until I turned 60. Then, Heather and I were going to travel and see the world and, hopefully, spoil some grandkids. I was set.

I have a great job with unbelievable benefits. But, for me, there's no passion in it. I literally woke up one morning and the Lord told me that I was supposed to be doing something else. I know I heard correctly. My wife heard the same thing without us talking about it. So why am I having doubts? Because I don't have the plan. God has the plan and he's been giving it to me step by step as I am ready. Yet, I want to know the whole plan. I want to know what to expect. But, if I knew the whole plan, I would stay up at night trying to figure out alternative routes and shortcuts. I would question God's wisdom because that's what I do. I would have the plan so messed up that even God couldn't recognize it. God knows this because He knows me.

I know people think we are crazy. How can we make this decision without a plan? But, think of Abraham. God woke him up one day and told him to take his son, build an altar, and then sacrifice Isaac. Abraham did it! Of course, God gave him the alternate route, but Abraham trusted God to the point that He didn't even question. God had previously promised that Abraham's descendants would be as numerous as the stars. Abraham had already screwed that plan up by having Ishmael. And now, God had finally delivered on his promise and instructed Abraham to destroy that promise? And, Abraham did it! He didn't know the whole plan and apparently wasn't surprised when God provided a different sacrifice.

It comes down to trust. He didn't even ask me to sacrifice a kid. Just a job and a way of life. All He asked of us was to go. That's what we're going to do. We're going for 30 days. After that, we don't have the whole picture. The question is: Do I trust him with the details? Do I take my family, my way of life and go build an altar, trusting that He has the details worked out and that He is true to His promise? Or, do I live in fear and distrust, regretting that I never took the leap?

That's the fork in my road: The unknown and all the promised glory or the familiar and all of it's comfort. I'm choosing...stay tuned.

Five Days Later

I have had a few days to try to process the 8 days we spent in Managua. I was really hoping to come to grips with the emotions and reactions of what we saw there. However, what I have discovered is that I am in a sort of grieving process. Initially, I was shocked and sad. Then, I was outraged. Now, I'm numb. However, the tears can still flow freely when I think about the 450 children we came into contact with. My heart jumps at the thought of going back. I get a huge smile on my face when I think about praising Jesus in Spanish with 3000 other believers I have never met, yet was intricately bonded with.

As I have mentioned before, Nicaragua is a paradox. The hopelessness of poverty is always present and heavy. Young girls under the age of 12 will prostitute themselves to the trash truck drivers at the dump for the opportunity to be first to dig through the trash. Children beg for money at every street corner. I met Udy, a boy about 12, who had been kidnapped and taken to Mexico so that his organs could be sold on the black market. By the pure grace of God, he escaped before he was killed. David, also about 12, was sold by his mom's boyfriend for a $2 crack rock. He was rescued by Wayne and Elaine, wonderful missionaries in Managua.

And yet, the presence of God is everywhere. Udy is in the constant process of healing. He is guarded, but liberal with hugs. David is a born leader and understands the depths of God's love. The Church in Managua is filled with true Christians. They suffer persecution. They give out of nothing. Their joy in the Father is just that. They have trouble, but rely on their Lord to deliver them. While the Church in the US has about a 20/80 tithe rate (that is 20% of believers contribute 80% of the church's budget) the church we visited has an 80% tithe rate. I don't like numbers when it comes to the kingdom of God, but these numbers speak volumes. Those that have much tend to give little and those that have little tend to give much. I am now praying for much that I may give much.

I'm amazed at the way Father put our mission team together. While I knew all 8 of my fellow members, I didn't know them. I have been touched deeply by each one of them. Cheryl, Claudie, Bradley, Brooks, Chad, Jay, Jason, and Russell: How can I thank you for the way you took me in and made me family? I want each of you to know that I thank our Father for you and for the amazing gifts you bring to the table. I know that all week we prayed that we would have Jesus's heart for the people that we met. On Thursday, we learned how dangerous that prayer is. As we walked through a children's cancer hospital, we saw children who were dying in terrible conditions and victims of extremely inadequate medical care. Each one of us was wrecked with sorrow. And yet, as we prayed for these children, there was hope because we felt the Father's love for even the least of these. One image I will never forget is the little two year old girl vomiting on the floor as her mother tried to hold her head up. No bed pan. No nurse. No sheets or pillows on the bed. I was compelled to pray for her. As I did, she relaxed and stopped vomiting. She turned her beautiful eyes up and smiled! I cried and she smiled. Crud. I'm crying now. How much God loves each and every one of us. And how much the children of Nicaragua need to know about His love!

Our friends, Wayne and Elaine MaGouirk and their ministry, Savior's Tear, are truly the hands and feet of Jesus to hundreds of children in Nicaragua. They don't do it for glory. They certainly don't do it for the money (there's no wealth building in missions). They simply do it because God told them to. I'm going to post the link to their ministry at the end. PLEASE visit the page. It is such important work. I have learned over the past few days that our Father blesses those who bless His children. And He certainly blessed me last week.

I think that I can speak for the entire team when I say that we are all forever changed by this trip. Our vision is different and our hearts have been altered. We experienced a compassion unlike I have ever known.

I have made lifelong friends and have met an entirely new family in Central America. Thank you for following our journey. I have linked to Mission 2540, Brooks Boyett's ministry blog as well. He does a great job with it and has a fantastic ministry as well. Please check it out.

Father, thank you that you don't turn away from us. Your love is always present and your grace covers us all. Please help us to recognize the opportunities to be You to others. Help us not to be distracted by our own selfishness and greed. Even the widow gave out of her need. May we give out of our abundance. Amen.

Savior's Tear

Mission 2540