Apprehension

Yes. This is another introspective piece. We are 8 days away from our departure to Asian adventure, and, suddenly, I am apprehensive. I'm not sure why. I don't know that it's the actual trip so much as the unknown. Everyone keeps asking these questions:
1. What will I do there? I don't know.
2. How will I support my family? I don't know.
3. What about the house we just bought? I don't know.
4. Am I crazy? Probably.
5. Am I scared? Just a bit.
6. Are we really thinking about moving our kids to a very foreign country? Yes.

The answer to the first three questions is the same: I don't know. And there lies the stumbling block, I think. It's so against my nature to not have a game plan. As impulsive as I usually am with the small stuff, I have had a "plan" for the past 15 years. I was going to work at my job, pay into retirement and 401k, keep plugging away day after day, until I turned 60. Then, Heather and I were going to travel and see the world and, hopefully, spoil some grandkids. I was set.

I have a great job with unbelievable benefits. But, for me, there's no passion in it. I literally woke up one morning and the Lord told me that I was supposed to be doing something else. I know I heard correctly. My wife heard the same thing without us talking about it. So why am I having doubts? Because I don't have the plan. God has the plan and he's been giving it to me step by step as I am ready. Yet, I want to know the whole plan. I want to know what to expect. But, if I knew the whole plan, I would stay up at night trying to figure out alternative routes and shortcuts. I would question God's wisdom because that's what I do. I would have the plan so messed up that even God couldn't recognize it. God knows this because He knows me.

I know people think we are crazy. How can we make this decision without a plan? But, think of Abraham. God woke him up one day and told him to take his son, build an altar, and then sacrifice Isaac. Abraham did it! Of course, God gave him the alternate route, but Abraham trusted God to the point that He didn't even question. God had previously promised that Abraham's descendants would be as numerous as the stars. Abraham had already screwed that plan up by having Ishmael. And now, God had finally delivered on his promise and instructed Abraham to destroy that promise? And, Abraham did it! He didn't know the whole plan and apparently wasn't surprised when God provided a different sacrifice.

It comes down to trust. He didn't even ask me to sacrifice a kid. Just a job and a way of life. All He asked of us was to go. That's what we're going to do. We're going for 30 days. After that, we don't have the whole picture. The question is: Do I trust him with the details? Do I take my family, my way of life and go build an altar, trusting that He has the details worked out and that He is true to His promise? Or, do I live in fear and distrust, regretting that I never took the leap?

That's the fork in my road: The unknown and all the promised glory or the familiar and all of it's comfort. I'm choosing...stay tuned.